Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sundry Thursday

The Thesaurus is working overtime this week!
  • A STRIPPER POLE BY ANY OTHER NAME - Have you seen the commercial for Flirty Girl Fitness? The dvd Booty Beats uses “easy-to-do, fun, sexy dance moves to dramatically reshape your body.” It’s only $9.99. BUT WAIT! Call now and you’ll get an additional dvd called Chair Dance. And, don’t forget to “ask the operator how you can try the Flirty Girl fitness pole in your own home for only $1!” And then explain that pole to your kids and your grandma. “Really, Granny! It’s just a fitness pole. And that dvd called Chair Dance? It’s not teaching me how to give a lap dance. It’s kind of like that Sit and Be Fit Lady that’s on tv.” Seriously, though, it looks kind of fun and I’m thinking about getting it. But, not the $1 pole.
    *Overpriced Coffee
    *Muffins Nobody Eats
    *CDs by People You Think You Should Like
  • NO BABY DADDY, THANK GOODNESS - I just watched Wuthering Heights on Masterpiece Theatre last night. Oh yeah! Now I remember I didn’t like this story at all. Ever. If Cathy and Heathcliff had ever had a child together, it would have been one crazy mofo of a kid!
  • IN THE CATEGORY I'M MORE TALENTED THAN YOU ARE - This morning I was running late for work, and I brushed my teeth with my left hand while I shaved my legs with my right hand. No lie. Clean teeth and smooth legs all within the 2-minute timer limit of my electric toothbrush.
  • I WORK BETTER IN PAJAMAS - When I lived in Richmond I worked downtown in a fancy office building. I had to wear dresses, skirts, nice slacks, heels, and pantyhose. Always panty-freakin’-hose. I still work for the same company, but I work in an office that’s in a warehouse. It’s very casual, so at my dressiest I wear khakis. And, many days I actually go to work in jeans. We found out yesterday that we were having a bunch of prospective clients come in for a tour and presentation, and The Powers That Be asked us all to dress appropriately. So, this morning after my teeth were brushed and my legs were shaved, I put on pantyhose for the first time in about 2 years. OMG! I was sweating by the time I got them on! How did I do that every single day of the week? That alone could have been the reason I weighed less then. I remembered I had some yoga pants and a t-shirt in my drawer at work and some sneakers in the back of my car, so as soon as everyone left, I got comfortable, baby!
  • WHAT THE...? - When I was looking for some pantyhose in my drawer this morning, I came across some fishnet stockings that I don’t remember buying. Maybe I will get that $1 Flirty Girl “Fitness” Pole after all! And, by the way, does anyone know where to buy pasties?


Protege said...

Oh Mel, I love Heathcliff and the Wuthering Heights, it is my kind of wild and passionate romance tale, sorry.;)
Save the fishnet stockings, you never know when they can come handy.;)

Diane said...

I was going to say, why the hell were you shaving if you were in a hurry? It's January and you never wear skirts. Then I got to the panty hose part. It reminded me of watching Ryan put tights on. She hasn't mastered the 'start at the ankle and work them up' thing, so the crotch always winds up right about her knees and then she stomps around and whines, "THEY DON'T FIT!!!!" Cracks me up every time.

And by the way, this is the 2nd pole dance post you've done in a week's time. Hmmmm...

Jenners said...

As far as I'm concerned, you can do these kinds of posts for the rest of your life because I find them so amusing!

Yes...please do order the DVD and then post a video.

And you are more talented than me...I don't think I could do that in 1,000,000 years. Even when I just focus on shaving, I still end up bleeding. And I'm so impatient, I barely ever brush the whole two minutes. Ever notice how two minutes goes by so quickly while blogging but takes an eternity while brushing your teeth? No? Oh...because you are shaving your legs at the same time.

And down with pantyhose. My extremely relaxed working clothes are my favorite part of being a stay-at-home mom. I've even instituted Pajama Days in my workplace!

everydaysies said...

Here ya go:

I'm sure you can find some to compliment your fishnets!


everydaysies said...

and probably a good idea for you to avoid the ones with tassels. I'd be afraid you'd hang yourself if the get tangled up with the pole ;)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Mel, word to the wise - Pasties and Pole Dancing do not mix - The grease will make the pole all slippery, and not in a good way... x

Heather said...

Oh my gosh, my sentiments EXACTLY on the Flirty Girl Fitness. They've been showing those ads all the time lately. It's like stripper training videos (although it does look a little amusing, and maybe a little fun. Flirty Girl fun.)
Anyway, these random blogs are hilarous.
And who knew you were so good at multitasking? That's pretty amazing.

Protege said...

Mel, there is an award waiting for you at my place; hope you will accept it.;))

blueviolet said...

So this double handed grooming, I do think you ought to film it. For educational purposes.

Shanna said...

Hahaha! Love the "tarbucks" menu and as for pasties, you know you can find just about ANYthing on Google these days!?? ;)

just a girl... said...

I too work better in PJ's