Friday, February 20, 2009

What the L?

Yesterday I had one of those days where, even though you know you’re a pretty smart person, you just can’t get it together to actually be that smart person. A couple of the girls at work and I were talking about lettuce. You know, as you do. All of us agreed that we didn’t like lettuce on sandwiches. I don’t know how this came up, now that I’m thinking about it. It may have had something to do with the whole peanut butter issue that’s in the news. Which could have led to peanut butter sandwiches. Then to other kinds of sandwiches. I seem to remember something about grilled cheese sandwiches made with mayonnaise, not butter. And, that possibly could have led to what we didn’t like on sandwiches. Hence, lettuce. (Yeah, the special meds for my healing tooth/gum aren’t doing any favors for my brain, obviously.) The subject of a BLT came up. And this is a close approximation of our conversation about BLTs:

Betty: What about a BLT?

Me: Well, that would be a whole other sandwich if you left the lettuce off of it. I mean, “lettuce” is in the name.

Joyce: What would you call it then?

Joyce looks off into space like you do when you’re trying hard to visualize the answer to something.

Me: An LT? No, that can’t be right. It’s still got the L in it. A… B? T? A BT!!

Betty shakes her head and laughs at Joyce and me.

Joyce: That was HARD!

Me: I KNOW!!

Sadly, I don’t think either of us was joking that much!

It made me think of the time that I was at Wally World buying stuff for Halloween. I heard this song playing and I looked around thinking I had set off a motion activated monster. But I didn’t see one. I walked over to the candy aisle, and threw a few bags in the cart. And, there was the song again. I figured instead of a motion activated monster, there must have been some special toy in one of the candy bags and I had picked up the same kind of bag that someone on the other aisle had. I thought I must have accidentally pressed the button to make the monster music start when I threw the candy bags in my cart. I heard the song off and on as I finished up my shopping and as I was paying for my purchases. I figured the jostling from adding things to the cart and from being bagged at the checkout kept pressing the on button to the toy in whichever candy bag it was in. I even mentioned to the girl behind the counter that the toy from the candy kept playing that song she was hearing. She just stared at me.

I put the bags on the front seat of my car and started driving back to work. Well, I’ll be danged if the song didn’t come on as I was driving down the road! I hadn’t even touched the candy bags! At the next stoplight, I opened some of the bags. I started pulling candy out and throwing it all over the place, trying to find that stupid noisy toy! But, I couldn’t find it!! I got back to work, took all the bags of candy in with me, and told my co-worker Lisa about the stupid song that kept playing and was coming from one of the stupid candy bags! Then the phone at my desk rang, so I went back to my desk to answer it. It was my sister and the first thing she said was: I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR THE LAST HOUR ON YOUR CELL PHONE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???

Well, let’s see, I had been at Wally World, then in my car, then back at work going crazy trying to figure out where the stupid “Halloween” song was coming from. And, as it turned out, it was coming from my own damn phone!


blueviolet said...

That is absolutely hilarious! What a great way to start my Friday!

Protege said...

LOL Mel; this is one of your posts that I love so much! This made me laugh so much; a good kind of laugh that makes me in a good mood! You know, this could have so easily happened to ME! I can imagine how perplexed that girl at the register must have looked.:P
I love the way you write, this just made my day.:))

J Cosmo Newbery said...

So true. I admire your bravery in admitting it! I do the same with my phone and all it has is a dull old 'traditional' ring. "Whose phone's ringing?" Oh.

Diane said...

Oh God, I'd totally forgotten the phone story.

It's still funny.

And you're still a dork.

But in the best possible way.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Just adorable, Mel, and you can't even blame the painkillers for that episode!

You make me feel better about being such a klutz in my own life - I hope that's okay by you! At least when you can laugh at yourself (as we do) you are never short of a good laugh! x

Heather said...

Oh, Mel... we're so much alike, you and I. That cell phone story sounds so much like something I would do. My guitar teacher has labeled me as "intellectually challenged", which kind of hurts my feelings. I mean, I was in the gifted class all through school! I graduated with honors, went to college on academic scholarship. I guess it's the every day, common sense things I have trouble with. You must be the same!! :)

sallymandy said...

How funny. You're funny. Thanks for sharing, because now I don't feel like such a dork when I put the salad away in the Tupperware cupboard, which I did the other day (making me think creepily of the scene in "Away From Her" where Julie Christie puts a towel, or something, in the freezer, in the early stages of her Alzheimer's).

Looking forward to reading more of your funny writing.


everydaysies said...

Betty & Joyce? Explains why the 3 of you couldn't figure out a BLT.

You so fuh-nee.

Shanna said...

Crap. I hate it when I try to post my very witty, and quite funny comment to only have it not load...and be lost.

Oh well.

Basically I made a joke about how funny it would be to see you confused about your phone, said I HAD to have lettuce because I like the color of it AND that I couldn't see myself, in any universe, biting into a grilled mayo/cheese sammich.

It's just not that funny now. *sigh*

Now I'm going to copy my comment before hitting the publish button because I do NOT want to think all this up again. :)

Jenners said...

I've totally done that!! I had put "Yellow" by Coldplay on my phone when I first got it and was playing with ringtones and every time the phone rang, I would say "Wow. Where is that music coming from? They sure are playing Coldplay a lot lately."


And you can blame your LT problem on your dental drugs.