Thursday, November 6, 2008

I Do Everything With Dorkitude!

I’m so professional! Just totally good at my job and certainly in line for huge things.

Did you get that I was being ironic?

Today I had a couple of conference calls. The first one went very smoothly. The second one just really did not. I was so prepared two hours before the call, and it all fell apart in the span of just a couple of minutes once I was actually on it.

When I got to work this morning I diligently highlighted the items I was supposed to go over and made notes so that I wouldn’t be scrambling for what to say when it was my turn to talk. Unfortunately I completely missed one topic I was supposed to cover. So, 1 o’clock came – and went. I totally missed getting on the call! I happened to glance at the clock at 1:05 and realized I was 5 minutes late. I scrambled to find the meeting invitation with the call-in number and passcode, and luckily was able to dial correctly on my very first try. Sometimes those passcodes give me a fit. I work with numbers all day, but the stupid phone keypad is upside down from my adding machine, so I’m always entering 9 when I mean to enter 3.

As soon as I was connected to the call, I heard my name being mentioned. Fortunately, someone else was just reading something I had rewritten for her. Shwew #1.

And then! The call leader (I’ll call her Bag Lady) asked me to discuss an item from the agenda and I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about! It was the topic I had missed when making my notes this morning. I bluffed my way past it by saying that I didn’t have that section up on my computer yet and she said we’d come back to it later in the call. Shwew #2! (That’s the last shwew you’re going to get from me, though.)

And then! Bag Lady immediately asks me to go over my other sections. I realized that my notes were all the way across my desk since I hadn’t made them more handy because time had sneaked up on me. So I was giving an overview of things as I was stretching my phone cord as far as it would go so that I could reach my notes.

And then! My phone receiver flew out of my hand and across my desk like the phone cord was made of rubber. There was a big clang and clatter as the receiver hit the desk, then bounced off it onto the floor…and back up a few inches…and back down again. I dove out of my chair to get it.

And then! I got the giggles. I mean the bad giggles, like I was giggling so hard tears were streaming out of my eyes and down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. Needless to say I couldn’t even talk because I was giggling so hard. I managed to get out an apology and the explanation that I was unprepared because I had been late to the call. Luckily, Bag Lady said she’d come back to me. I COULDN’T STOP GIGGLING!

And then! I was wiping the giggle tears away with a tissue and I poked myself in my right eye with my fingernail, which just made my right eye water more than it already was and made everything completely blurry. It hurt so bad, though, that my giggles finally stopped and I was able to be a lot more sober once it was my turn to talk again.

I sent an apology e-mail to Bag Lady after the call and she graciously said that even with my spazzes and giggles on the call I was still more organized than she was. I don’t think that’s true, but it was sure kind of her to say it.


Protege said...

Mel, this is a hilariously funny post, I got tears in my eyes from laughing while reading it.
I so recognize everything; the best laid plans, right? This happens to me so often as well. Isn't its just awful, when you want to laugh so much and you just can't? And you know that you are being rude, but the situation is so comical, you really cannot help your self.
Well, I hope the bag lady will understand and accept your apology. Hopefully she has a sense of humor.:))

Cori Gammon said...

You are such a dork. But I lurves ya anyway!

Diane said...

You are a full-fledged dork. I was cracking up reading this... at least you didn't snort... or honk... or go "wheeeeeeeeew" after taking a deep giggle breath. Glad I wasn't there... we'd still be laughing.

Mel said...

Oh God! You have no idea! The giggling? When the receiver hit the floor, I lost it! There was no turning back! After the giggled apology I put the phone on mute and I just hollared out to Kelly and the other girls, "I don't know what's wrong with me! She asks me one question and I don't know the answer to it. I can't find my notes and then I drop the phone!" We were all laughing so hard that it just made it worse as I was trying to stop the giggling. Then I poked myself in the eye. I am such a spaz!

Heather said...

Hahaha. This was one of the funniest things I've read in awhile!! Thank you for sharing!!! You have NO idea how many spaz things I do on a normal basis, so don't even be feeling bad about this one! I tend to giggle when I'm nervous and I have a bizarre sense of humor, so I would have been losing it in your situation. :)