1 – The “Great Mother of Abraham Lincoln’s Ghost Don’t Let Her Become Vice-President” Award goes to Sarah Palin. She’s possibly scarier than our current Vice-President. And she smiles while she’s being scary which makes her even scarier!
2 – The “Seriously, How Many Commercials and Print Ads Are You In, And How Did You Have Time To Train to Win 8 Gold Medals If You Were Doing All That Other Stuff?” Award goes to Michael Phelps. He’s in about every third magazine ad and at least one commercial for every show that’s on. The other night I saw him in an extra-long Rosetta Stone commercial where he was learning Chinese in preparation for the Beijing Olympics. Poolside and in a Speedo, naturally. Rosetta Stone’s selling point is that it doesn’t take much time to learn another language using their programs, so it’s ideal for someone as busy as he is. I think the effort that went into connecting him with Rosetta Stone must have given someone a mighty big headache.
3 – The “Funniest Show on Television Right Now” Award goes to Gavin and Stacey on BBC America. It makes me laugh out loud. It’s funny and sweet. The woman who plays Nessa is hilarious! I just found out that they did it for only 2 seasons, though, so that sucks.
4 – The “DUH! Aunt Mel!” Award goes to my 5 year-old niece Alex. The other day she was telling me about the things she does in kindergarten. Sometimes they play, sometimes they draw, and sometimes they have circle time. Being so many years out of kindergarten, I asked her what circle time was because I couldn’t remember. She got this very DUH! tone of voice with me when she said, “Aunt Mel! You went to school! You know what we do in circle time! That’s where we learn things!” Like for the rest of her school career she’ll be learning things in a circle. You know where I learned Calculus? In a circle!
5 – The “Most Thorough Exterminator EVER” Award goes to the guy from Terminex that came to our office to get rid of our funky gnat infestation. He searched through desk plants for mold and told us to water the plants from the bottom, not the top; he got under our desks and checked for crumbs; he moved our little bug zapper to a better place; he pulled the glue pad out of the zapper and explained what caused all of the bugs’ deaths; and then he gently wrapped in a napkin the carcasses of two gnats my co-worker killed so he could take them back to his office to examine them more closely. He was the Gus Grissom of Terminex.
6 – The “Way to Ruin a Funny Bit” Award goes to this woman who called the radio station I listen to during the day. The people on the radio were talking about their friends not understanding their famous crushes. The woman on the show, Candy, said she thinks Daniel Radcliffe is hot and her friends think she’s crazy for thinking that. So, they asked people to call in with their odd crushes. Most of the women calling in were defending Candy by saying they thought Daniel Radcliffe was hot too. They also had calls for John Malkovich, Billy Bob Thornton, and Jeff Goldblum, to name a few. Then this woman called and they asked her, “Who do you think is hot that other people think you’re crazy for crushing on?” She said, “Johnny Depp.” There was total silence for a few seconds. Because, really, what do you say to that? Of all the unusual and strange choices to fit their topic, she choose Johnny Depp? Who are her friends and why do they think she’s crazy for crushing on him?