Embarrassment #2

Now for my second embarrassing story:

I honestly can’t remember how the subject came up because it was so long ago, but when I was 18 years-old my friends and I somehow came to the conclusion that since none of us had ever seen an “adult movie”, we were going to figure out a way to do it. It wasn’t that hard, as it turns out. (I’m trying so hard to resist being Michael Scott – or all the boys I used to work at the movie theatre with when I was a teenager – and not say “That’s what she said,” but I’m really failing at it.) We had a friend who had his own apartment, and since he was a guy, we figured there was a good chance he might actually have one or two of these movies. And, he did.

So, Beth, Kelly, Rommy, Julie and I trekked over to Robert’s house one night when he was closing the restaurant he managed and we knew he wouldn’t be there. We popped popcorn, chose our favorite wine coolers, and sat down for a night of naked-people-doing-naughty-things viewing. Obviously, we were so naïve that we thought we’d be watching those movies just like we’d be watching Dirty Dancing or The Goonies. We thought there would be a plot to follow with random naked scenes thrown in for titillation. Oh no. The first one was just one naked sex scene followed by another non-connected naked sex scene. We just laughed. Not nervous laughter, real laughter, because the people? Not really people you would choose to see have naked sex. Truly. So, we tried the second one. This one actually was loosely plot-based. Or at least I think it was supposed to be.

Robert’s apartment was on the upper floor of a two storey building that resembled a motel. To get to his apartment, you went up some cement steps and followed a balcony all the way down to the last apartment on the left. There was a party going on a couple of apartments down. A couple of guys from a local (not very good) band lived in the apartment. Julie and I were sitting in two chairs that sat in front of the window that looked out over the balcony. I was pretty much bored out of my mind by then. I get that there are times that those kinds of movies can be useful, and I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone for watching them or owning them or whatever, but I don’t think they’re meant to be watched straight through the way we were watching them. I reached over to grab the popcorn bowl that was sitting on the table between Julie’s chair and mine, and some movement out the window caught my eye. I turned fully around to see what the movement was and there were 3 guys from the party a couple doors down sitting on the balcony railing watching the movie through the window! I yelped. They laughed. Kelly lunged for the VCR to turn it off. We had not even considered closing the curtains to Robert’s apartment! Who would have thought?? We had told Robert that we would be out of his apartment by the time he got home, so the five of us had to walk out past the three guys and all the other people from the party who now knew that we had been watching porn in a borrowed apartment. It was a whole different kind of walk of shame. Very, very classy, my friends and me!!